what i want for christmas is you :)

~holidays now! work harder! earn as much as possible. after school reopen hardly got the chance to work that much alrdy. Gotta stay focus on studies. My goals and aim is drifting far from me now. Why? Why? Why? Shit me alright!

Tml is my father bday :) yeah that fast! Told my mother to buy him cake,but my father is those type that dont celebrate bday. If i got money,confirm i treat him eat! anyway,happy advance bday :)

5 more days to christmas :(

emo~ing!!!

its my dear hero death anniversary :( Its had been 7 years he left us!!!! This is life right? Birth~Grow~Old~Death!!!! Face it people! Its scary to see people leaving you w/o any signal alright! Share my stories here alright!

short intro of my hero:

My hero is a big size man! Never forget his big belly,cos it's another playing toy for me when i am young! He got a nasty temper like me! hahaha!

here i start my stories!!!!

When my maid when back to her country for a month,so we sisters went over for lunch and dinner. He enjoyed cooking braised pork for everyone. Cos he knows my father and me like pork loads! Everyday after he ended work,he will start his cooking all. W/o failed,we have that for our daily meals. I swear i never get sick of it at all. But 7 years ago! He is sick! Doc announced that he contacted with diabetes. His 'sexy' belly get smaller each day :( *hurts alright. He couldnt cook my fav braised pork anymore. He cannot stand properly. He is so weak. He start vomitting when he eat/smell something oily. He need my grandma help whenever he want to move around or used toilets all. My grandma is so strong. Though she is sick,she never complaint anything at all. Even if she is tired i tell you. Even if my hero get angry if grandma did something wrong. My hero promised me that he will cook for me once he recovered!!!!! But he break his promised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Few days before he passed on,serene and grandma accompany him to doc. Doc say everything is alright. Gave him JAB! But... ... ... ... he cannot make it through.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. its hurt to see him walking with painful expression alright.

The day he lose on the battle war. 25122003! Grandma called! Crying! Calling us over! Serene is the first one to chiong over! I am the last one! I am running away from this. I dont wanna go over cos i am scared! Serene keep shouting at me scolding me all. In the end i did rush over. I managed to see him. I reached the same time as the ambulance. I took the stairs instead of lift! This is what i am thinking at that point of time: I want to reach first before ambulance people! I start crying and shouting. Scolding him: You break your promise! You said you wanna cook my fav braised pork for me! I still remember his face! He smiled!!!!!! Everyone rushed to hospital except for my maid,grandma,younger sister and me! They came back very late at night. Father want us to stayed inside the room,as in he got something impt wanna talked to grandma. So mother and us stayed in the room. When mother break that news to us! I cried!!!!! !!!!!! I Regretted!!!! I didnt rush there earlier. Fck!!!!! After everything. I told myself i am gonna treasure people! But i didnt do it alright!!!! I didnt treasure my grandma alright. I didnt bother to go over visit her though we stayed few blk away. One night,she had breathing difficulties. Aunty called,asking for mother or father. Best part:father phone low batt. Serene is preparing for her O's. among everyone i am free. I rushed over tgt with younger sis. Tell you that time is my first time running so fast ok. Same again :( We reached almost the same time as the ambulance. Saw father at the lift lobby. He asked us to take the stairs up. Of cos we reached earlier than them by few min. When i saw grandma,she is panting so hard! When the lift just opened,my aunty shouted in hokkien! mother fainted! father/uncle/civil deffence people rush over!!!! Sending grandma to hospital asap! father asked us go home first. So waited at home for news! mother called! she ask us to be prepared! Grandma got no heartbeat. a&e doc are rescuing her. Finally! She regained her heartbeat. But doc announced her brain damage. Due to brain lagging of oxygen for 10 min plus plus. She is being transfered to icu and all. in and out from the hell place. once again *hurts! We are hoping that she can wake up asap! but she didnt. Same~ she is fighting on a battle war! Many time her condition get critical,but she managed to pull through. yes! she is great!

BUT!

last year,she lose in the battle war! She passed away peacefully at the nursing home. I swear i didnt visit her ever since she is transfer to the nursing home. She did came into my dream once. Asking me to saved her. She wanna wake up,but something heavy blocking her. that why she cannot wake up. I told my parents. They like dont believe me. wtf!! again i didnt treasure her. I regretted again :(

.. .. .. .. Both of them are my dear hero!!!!!!

Please people,Dont comment anything alright. you never know how my family feel ya.

eileen :)