Smiley face in the sea of sad face

Smiley face [:)] in the sea of sad face [:(]

Back from hell to heaven. Too much emotions, crying and tearing, vulgarities, hate, anger, I have completely numb myself and killed my heart from it. I will shut myself up in dark and never ever bring up this issues anymore. It became a nightmare to me and of cause a lesson learnt from it. I will be good baby, accept the fact and truth. of cause face it like a bitch. Thanks Nicholas Lim(partner lim), Old man, Big brother, Lin Hui, Ah nic for all your encouragement and of cause cheering me up. Your the best, and of cause I love your. 

Something is bothering me even more now. Sometimes I don't know if I did the right thing by encouraging, putting hopes and pressure on others to improve them even better in future. But what I always got is not results, but disappointment. I wonder is it me who look upon the wrong person? Or maybe my expectation is higher than expected? Or what so ever that I cannot thought of? I don't expect everyone to thank me in years time or had the mindset of they own me in life.

True, everyone have their strength and weakness. I have mine too. I know myself what are my weakness, I need to improve from there in order for me to convert it to my strength. I don't believe there are such person living on earth with only weakness and not even a single bit of strength?

I sincerely put in all my heart and soul at work, hoping that all my fellow workers got what they deserve. Fighting for their benefits, making sure everyone is alright with work and of cause personal issues. Every single one putting hopes on me that they can get what they requested for. I tried my very best to fulfill their request, I can say almost every request they made I fulfill them. Even if I exceed my limit. But I tell myself it worth it at the end of the day. But who are the ones that can fulfill my request then? You? He? Him? I can say none! I don't expect them to learnt every single thing in a day. It's months! Months!!! I admit I am a fast learner. I learn and pick up things very fast. I don't expect them to be like me. At least they show me they are doing it hard, and prove me wrong they are willing to learn. I tried ways like making notes for them, make it short and simple so that they can read and remember it easily. Translating from English to different languages. But I bet non of them appreciated my effort. I am such a failure and joker. I am giving up on every single one of them. No more benefit from me anymore, no more expectation from me, no more stress from me. This is what they want isn't it? I fulfill them. I no longer care how other companies workers or other people look at them. It's no longer affecting me and of cause important to me. I will never treat them as my babies anymore. NO way I can convince myself to do it anymore. Dead heart!! I know I am the youngest in this company, the only girl so that every single one of you can climb over me and not respecting me. Well done! But I am sorry to say, it's alright if everyone is not respecting me and of cause I am not that weak girl that every single one of them can climb over my head. It's just useless for me to argue and of cause fight against everyone. Because I am tired from everything. 

Enough of complaining. It make me even worst. 

Eileen