Surrender!

I am crying while typing now. Okay please laugh at me. Thank you!

I am trying to be emo now. Recently my mood swing really suck. It kill me down many many time. Whenever I get myself back on track, I am shot down again. It's not only once, but its forever. Sometime I do really feel like giving up, letting go and ignore everything, just sit there to draw never ending circles. I know I can't. 

I am someone who is not willing to share my things with anyone. Including my sister who sleep beside me almost every night for the past 19 years. I only shared all my happiness, my happy, angry and irritated moment with them regarding school or work. But keep my upset moment to myself. Buried everything deep inside my heart till I really let go. 

From young, people always said: I am a cute and adorable. I am cheerful, friendly, carefree and happy go lucky girl. Without fail there will always a smile on my face. No worries no nothing. Family members- aunties and uncle dote on me alot. Whenever there is something good, I will be the first one to get it. I am the entertainer at home. I keep everyone entertained by talking nonstop and also make them laugh at me. I know I know. I don't need anyone to remind me again. But this is all the past already. I am no longer the same now. 

I need to admit this fact that I am a very lucky girl in life. I got so many people willing to standby me when I need them. Example last night, something really hit me down. One msg to big brother. The next moment he called. Though he is tired after one whole day of work, he make an effort to called, making sure I am alright before he hang up the phone. This goes to old man too. He saw my tweet and then text me asking me if I am alright not? Called me and talk. I appreciate it alot alot. 

I know I got to be strong from now.

Eileen.

I am not as strong as what you people think. Really!