After so many different roller coaster ride I took in my 19 years life, I realized I have grown up and became more sensible. But one thing for sure, I am still who I am. The cheerful Eileen who lived with carefree lifestyle. I like the way I am. I am still doing well w/o nic. Yes, I have move on. Letting go of my past and start all over again.
Chatted with Alvin for 2 hours plus. He made me realized who am I. I remember what Eileen Tan told me. I am just like a Durian, hard outside but soft and tender inside. I don't know why out of sudden I lost my words. My mind went blank just like that. Had a horrible bad argument with Darryl. I don't blame him for what he said, but thank him instead. He make me realized what am I. Allowing me to know all those things that I don't know.
I know he will find his way here if he happen to know I have block and remove him from fb and twitter. No worries, my blog will be still be wide open welcome everyone to read including him. I don't know what can I say or comment anymore. I am once left with speechless.
Well I don't know if he is really that smart to find himself here not. Before I end this friendship here. I got a long letter to type out here. I am lazy to write it out.
Here I go,
Dear Darryl.
You must be sleeping soundly now I guess. Mainly is because your too tired for everything. I know it's never easy for one person to fight on this battle alone. Betting on either you win or lose. Before the game could start, I killed you down many many times. And I am proud to say Yes I won!
I know all this while your trying to put on a brave front to show everyone that your strong but your not. Your fragile heart is scattered into pieces whereby you don't know how to fix it back yourself. This show and prove to you it's time for you to move on. Know it's not easy to do so, but at least try right? No point hurting yourself by holding your feelings back on me. It's time for you to return me back to my love ones. I think they need me badly too.
What you said to me this afternoon, hurt me. What I can say now is - don't blame mummy dinosaur for everything. He is the innocent party afterall. He don't know anything. If you want to blame, push everything to me. I am the one created all this shit thing. Your brother didn't do anything wrong at all. Even if you never introducing me to him, or him to me, we still have ways to know each other.
Don't lived in the past anymore. Your still young to talk about love and happiness or even r/s. There's still long way to go ahead. Let go everything now and find your true self and start everything from the start again. What your facing now is just one part of your life only. There's still many more to go in future. If you cannot even overcome this now, in future how? who going to help you? Your friend out there might not be able to help you but guide you throughout. Maybe 5 years later your someone husband and someone dad? You cannot be that weak anymore. Just remember this: no matter where am I. Where I go. Who I bump on. Bear in mind- the greatest failure in life is not trying. This is the only last thing I can do for you.
Let the fate decide our future alright. Focus on your studies and then ns and then your career and such. What I can say now is Jy for everything. See you when I see you. Take care!
with love,
Eileen Ong.
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